My life drastically changed when my younger sister, also a successful single mom, and her son moved in with Em and I. My stress level plummeted. I wasn’t overwhelmed anymore by having to run the house by myself. I wasn’t the only adult responsible for making every meal, cleaning every dish and making sure the laundry got done.
Living with another single parent and sharing responsibilities has been the biggest game changer of my successful single mom journey so far. My physical health has improved due to the significant decrease in stress.
While finding another single parent to live with won’t work for everyone. A lot of the benefits can be realized by teaming up with other single parent households.
Define what level of support you need in order to be a successful single mom. Then find your village. Whether that be another single parent, a housemate willing to help out, an intentional living community, or some other arrangement. Maybe you live in the same building or down the street from another household that would be willing to team up.
My top strategies to thrive as a successful single mom:
Dinner swaps.
My previous housemate and I did weekly dinner swaps. I took Tuesdays and she took Thursdays. On each of our nights, we would individually cook and clean giving the other parent the full night off.
Split bulk groceries and the cost of memberships.
My previous housemate also had a Costco membership. We would go 50/50 on bags of produce that were too big for either of us to finish alone.
Childcare swaps.
Basically the same concept as dinner swaps. Pick a regular day and time when you take the kids and when the other family takes the kids. Workout any rules beforehand such as no screen time, no sugary snacks, what to do if discipline is needed, etc.
Routine. Routine. Routine.
Once you figure out what works, stick to it. We have a weekday routine that we keep up no matter where we are. Even on vacation or when we’re hosting visitors. Weekends are left open. The boys behave better overall knowing what to expect.
Regular communication with other single parents.
Weekly wine night? Weekly coffee meet-up? If childcare is an issue make it virtual and schedule for after bedtime. Build a community of other successful single moms who will understand your unique challenges and support you through the tough times. No meet-ups in your area? Start one.
Track your expenses
I’ve been using the same spreadsheet template for a decade. I track my expenses to make sure I’m meeting my financial goals over time. It’s empowering to look back on the spreadsheets from years past to see how far I’ve come. Past year’s spreadsheets also serve as a reminder to be grateful that I’m no longer living paycheck to paycheck as before. Use an app, use a spreadsheet, use the envelope system. Find what works for you.
Use your lunch hour for self care.
Pre-COVID, I used to take a 45 minute yoga class during lunch three times per week. The other two days, I would eat with colleagues whose company I truly enjoyed. The yoga studio also doubled as a great place for networking since a lot of other professionals who worked nearby would pop into the same lunch hour class. Own your lunch hour.
Prepare to be exhausted.
Fill up the freezer with pre-made food you can heat up when you’re too tired to cook. Have a new toy or some new play-doh hidden away for when you need to keep the kid busy for a while. Or if your child has a favorite show, restrict watching of the show to only times when you need a break. My son never walks away from the TV when Curious George is on. I know when I need it, this show guarantees me a twenty minute break. Eat frozen waffles on Sunday mornings or pizza on Friday nights so you can count on having that easy meal each week. When you have the energy, do your future self a favor and prepare for when you won’t.
Meal plan.
Just like a financial budget, I’ve used the same spreadsheet template for about a decade. I have one tab for meal planning and another tab with links to recipes I love or want to try. For a super basic meal plan, designate one night each week to a certain type of food, i.e. Monday is leftovers, Tuesdays tacos, Wednesday pasta . . . While living in Austin, we used to have breakfast tacos every single morning. I would take whatever was getting close to expiring in the fridge, wrap it in a tortilla with an egg, and that was my breakfast taco. It helped cut down on food waste and save money.
Join organizations with childcare included.
Gyms and some yoga studios often have childcare. The church I joined in Austin had Sunday school that went all morning. After service I was able to have adult time socializing with other members over coffee. This was also a great way to meet people in a new city.
Final thoughts . . .
It can be hard to reach out or start something new, especially when you’re already exhausted from a busy week. Don’t try to tackle all these suggestions at once. Start with the one that will have the biggest impact. What is the biggest stressor in your life? Which above suggestion will relieve the biggest burden for you? Start there. Then work through the other suggestions based on your family’s greatest needs.
What strategies do you use to thrive as a successful single mom? Have any of the above solutions worked for you?
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